long long break i took, haha, not that anybody noticed.

ever felt how its like to read the girl of your dream's blog, and end up finding or guessing she has a stead? its sorta a mixed feeling really. one side u think, gah, why am i so stupid, the other side u think, congrats my friend, i hope your relationship goes smoothly. too good to be true, u'd better believe it.

going through heart breaks all my freaking life has showed me that u can understand the ones who care for you more. yea, the upset and disappointment is there, u can never take those away.

i spend time reading people's blog and trying to understand them, or to help them with their problems, but sometimes, i end up scolded.. could be i invaded their privacy. haha, im sure.

geez, so short on cash.. sigh, maybe the OJT will take my mind off her.. yea. wish we never met, our friendship wasnt that bad, okay, who am i kidding, i dont even get a message from her asking how i am.. urgh, well, once again, the truth shoots in.

ah, wed's big match.. i remembered mine, so freaking nervous, my teammates cared, the rest who call me friend, didnt even know about the match. so much for the aerospacce spirit. but im ready for it this time.

well, once again, i read her blog, only to close it with lots of questionmarks. does she hav a stead? is she worth it? do i mean anything to her? is whatever im doing worth it? am i gonna eat my cereal?

yea, i do like her, but if she loves another guy, i'd sure like her to tell me. yea, i know my chances are very slim, so slim it cant even be seen, do i gotta be content by being just her friend on the other side of the country? it hurts me this way, but gotta live it.. or, if i cant take it i'd rather shoot myself dead in NS. who'd care? another day, another life gone, nothing real to show for. whats wrong with me? okay, i know im not good looking, im short, im not attractive, im not cool ,im not smart, im not fit enough. wow, i listed the reasons why im not good enough. haha. thats that i suppose.

well, now saving up for her mp3, i dont know if its worth it. but at least im trying

haha

wah!! evonne!! thanks so much!! its so sweet of you.. ur busy and u still bothered about my feelings!! thanks!!! she came online just to check on me.. i mean omg, nobody has ever done that for me.. she even sent me a clip, cry on my shoulder.. im so touched right now.. thanks a million evonne!!

HAI

morning got damn pissed.. an sms which was not a good morning wish, but an sms about not smsing to somebody coz of somebody.. god damn it.. so i was like, damn upset and couldnt get back to sleep.. so i told myself.. why bother so much? its gonna be a great day.. boy was i wrong.. well.. things went well till 11.45, until i went out to buy lunch.. wanted to get rice and some side dishes.. so many people cutting Q, when the auntie finally noticed me i just turned and walk away, not very gentleman, but i wasnt really satisfied nor happy with them.. so went home with a bad taste in my mouth.. afternoon had a few friends over to play games.. that was enjoyable.. then the freaking blow that made me SUPER SAD.. my little bro was looking at his turtle.. as usual, i tot it was sweet and i went to shower.. i came out.. and looked at it too.. only this time, it wasnt moving.. yea, it passed away just as we were looking at it.. my heart totally broke.. my little bro just cried.. even now im crying.. it brought back memories of my little guy.. used to play around with it.. till it left me.. now its my little bro's turn.. it left just as we were looking at it.. even i cant hide my tears.. my little bro is just staring off into space and im throwing all my feelings in here, but does anybody care to read this?? does anybody care to lend me a shoulder? im getting really sick of it.. everytime im always tellin others its gonna be alright.. but when it comes to me?? i dont ask for much but fuck it!! NOBODY cares.. maybe afew.. but do they ask? no.. i hav to tell em.. im human too.. i want to be loved too.. i wanna be surrounded by friends who really care about me.. my meis? too busy with their problems? i understand that but i too hav problems and i do my best to help em, why cant they do it for me?? they say they love me but they dont show it..

then comes to afew of my meis.. when their stead says they dont like me to sms to them.. they tell me stright.. how cold blooded is that? i love u guys and yet u tell me to not sms just cause your hubby or what SHIT tells u not to? i hav been there for you guys, i know u love them, i dont do every little shit for you.. u hav more than enuff time with em.. hey!! im human.. i picked u guys bcoz i tot that u were really serious about me.. i loved u guys like blood sisters.. u take my heart and shred it into little pieces.. when u guys hav problems with your special somebody i always stood by your side.. u guys wanted cash to make it up to him i gav u the cash.. u mean u guys love him too much to let me go? im not great kor or whatever.. but the point is its so cold blooded.. i cry over here and u guys smile happily with your stead.. if u guys what it that way then FUCK OFF!! see what i care.. i could hav gotten enough to buy an mp3 for evonne but u bitches had to spoil a perfect suprise by begging me for the money.. totally took advantage of me.. dont be surprised im lashing out at u all here.. she treats me WAY WAY better than u idiots, and i just met her 3 months ago.. id rahter hav 1 evonne than all 6 of you!! i forgav u 6 time and again.. but u guys always repeat the feat.. its been ONE YEAR since we hav been together.. from this day onwards.. i want u guys to GET OUT OF MY FACE!!!

and hui shan.. its not you mei.. i understand your situiation.. =]

what a day

slept at 2 after chatting with sarah, woke up at 6 for soccer.. haha.. tired legs, but managed to hit top speed.. i like my little dashes and mazy runs in the street soccer court.. but injuired my groin.. so after that had to go for this syf thingy or what? urgh.. cheer and cheer like no freaking tomorrow.. my ear drums hurt.. and hey, i haven had a girl tell me she loves me yet.. =P haha.. so yea.. they did well, got a sliver on their debut.. haha.. the tenion reminded me of my very first street soccer match.. haha.. super nervous.. well.. so went home to hav dinner.. argh.. the arsenal match sucked!! damn spurs!! lousy team scoring by underhand tatics.. BOO to the rightful losers!! nah, i'll take it back.. van persie missed 2 sitters.. urgh.. damn frustrated.. now waiting for liverpool vs chelsea match.. haha.. liverpool go go!! well.. i really miss her.. but she's busy with her DB.. argh.. just so like, i miss her so much.. but dont see her online.. all i hav are some msgs she replies and her blog.. i do my best to read it every night.. well.. if i dont show her enuff care or concern.. do i even deserve to be a friend of such a nice and good girl? nah.. maybe a night drunk could get me killed or forget her.. oh well.. i'll take my chances

useless

hai... today down down down.. joey came to me for help.. and its like i cant do anything.. ha, maybe i am useless.. maybe thats why i wasnt wanted.. nvm.. now i just wanna try to help her.. i wonder if im being selfish by try to prevent her from loving.. but she seems so hurt and confuesed.. i cant just sit and watch her cry.. hais.. why must i still love her as my mei

malay speaking japanese..

today was an alright day.. lol.. sarah again msg me earliest.. school was its usual fun self... azhar was his usual cool self, khy was all joking like.. jong is still the same.. eh.. gamma rays.. what the heck.. today after school.. piang eh.. was rain sia.. but decided to play street soccer to relieve some things on my mind.. haha then this chinese girl.. sweet little thing.. walked up to me and asked.. : are u a malay speaking japanese.. so i went yea sure i am, why not?.. so i disturbed her for awhile.. haha.. but surprisingly she stayed and watch me play.. haha then she told me i had quick feet and cute reactions.. no link at all.. wahs.. then wait for sarah today... so long sia she.. wonder if she will be online.. hey what the heck.. id wait till the sun burns out for her to be online.. haha.. well.. anyways... chao.. she's online!!

omg

darn it... she's so depressed.. hais... cheer up evonne!! im really proud to know a girl like you.. u are the one who makes life worth living.. i just want u to know that.. eh about my life.. the usual