lifes-a-joke

2006-05-28T15:16:00.000-07:00

long long break i took, haha, not that anybody noticed.

ever felt how its like to read the girl of your dream's blog, and end up finding or guessing she has a stead? its sorta a mixed feeling really. one side u think, gah, why am i so stupid, the other side u think, congrats my friend, i hope your relationship goes smoothly. too good to be true, u'd better believe it.

going through heart breaks all my freaking life has showed me that u can understand the ones who care for you more. yea, the upset and disappointment is there, u can never take those away.

i spend time reading people's blog and trying to understand them, or to help them with their problems, but sometimes, i end up scolded.. could be i invaded their privacy. haha, im sure.

geez, so short on cash.. sigh, maybe the OJT will take my mind off her.. yea. wish we never met, our friendship wasnt that bad, okay, who am i kidding, i dont even get a message from her asking how i am.. urgh, well, once again, the truth shoots in.

ah, wed's big match.. i remembered mine, so freaking nervous, my teammates cared, the rest who call me friend, didnt even know about the match. so much for the aerospacce spirit. but im ready for it this time.

well, once again, i read her blog, only to close it with lots of questionmarks. does she hav a stead? is she worth it? do i mean anything to her? is whatever im doing worth it? am i gonna eat my cereal?

yea, i do like her, but if she loves another guy, i'd sure like her to tell me. yea, i know my chances are very slim, so slim it cant even be seen, do i gotta be content by being just her friend on the other side of the country? it hurts me this way, but gotta live it.. or, if i cant take it i'd rather shoot myself dead in NS. who'd care? another day, another life gone, nothing real to show for. whats wrong with me? okay, i know im not good looking, im short, im not attractive, im not cool ,im not smart, im not fit enough. wow, i listed the reasons why im not good enough. haha. thats that i suppose.

well, now saving up for her mp3, i dont know if its worth it. but at least im trying

haha

2006-04-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

wah!! evonne!! thanks so much!! its so sweet of you.. ur busy and u still bothered about my feelings!! thanks!!! she came online just to check on me.. i mean omg, nobody has ever done that for me.. she even sent me a clip, cry on my shoulder.. im so touched right now.. thanks a million evonne!!

HAI

2006-04-23T04:16:00.000-07:00

morning got damn pissed.. an sms which was not a good morning wish, but an sms about not smsing to somebody coz of somebody.. god damn it.. so i was like, damn upset and couldnt get back to sleep.. so i told myself.. why bother so much? its gonna be a great day.. boy was i wrong.. well.. things went well till 11.45, until i went out to buy lunch.. wanted to get rice and some side dishes.. so many people cutting Q, when the auntie finally noticed me i just turned and walk away, not very gentleman, but i wasnt really satisfied nor happy with them.. so went home with a bad taste in my mouth.. afternoon had a few friends over to play games.. that was enjoyable.. then the freaking blow that made me SUPER SAD.. my little bro was looking at his turtle.. as usual, i tot it was sweet and i went to shower.. i came out.. and looked at it too.. only this time, it wasnt moving.. yea, it passed away just as we were looking at it.. my heart totally broke.. my little bro just cried.. even now im crying.. it brought back memories of my little guy.. used to play around with it.. till it left me.. now its my little bro's turn.. it left just as we were looking at it.. even i cant hide my tears.. my little bro is just staring off into space and im throwing all my feelings in here, but does anybody care to read this?? does anybody care to lend me a shoulder? im getting really sick of it.. everytime im always tellin others its gonna be alright.. but when it comes to me?? i dont ask for much but fuck it!! NOBODY cares.. maybe afew.. but do they ask? no.. i hav to tell em.. im human too.. i want to be loved too.. i wanna be surrounded by friends who really care about me.. my meis? too busy with their problems? i understand that but i too hav problems and i do my best to help em, why cant they do it for me?? they say they love me but they dont show it..

then comes to afew of my meis.. when their stead says they dont like me to sms to them.. they tell me stright.. how cold blooded is that? i love u guys and yet u tell me to not sms just cause your hubby or what SHIT tells u not to? i hav been there for you guys, i know u love them, i dont do every little shit for you.. u hav more than enuff time with em.. hey!! im human.. i picked u guys bcoz i tot that u were really serious about me.. i loved u guys like blood sisters.. u take my heart and shred it into little pieces.. when u guys hav problems with your special somebody i always stood by your side.. u guys wanted cash to make it up to him i gav u the cash.. u mean u guys love him too much to let me go? im not great kor or whatever.. but the point is its so cold blooded.. i cry over here and u guys smile happily with your stead.. if u guys what it that way then FUCK OFF!! see what i care.. i could hav gotten enough to buy an mp3 for evonne but u bitches had to spoil a perfect suprise by begging me for the money.. totally took advantage of me.. dont be surprised im lashing out at u all here.. she treats me WAY WAY better than u idiots, and i just met her 3 months ago.. id rahter hav 1 evonne than all 6 of you!! i forgav u 6 time and again.. but u guys always repeat the feat.. its been ONE YEAR since we hav been together.. from this day onwards.. i want u guys to GET OUT OF MY FACE!!!

and hui shan.. its not you mei.. i understand your situiation.. =]

what a day

2006-04-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

slept at 2 after chatting with sarah, woke up at 6 for soccer.. haha.. tired legs, but managed to hit top speed.. i like my little dashes and mazy runs in the street soccer court.. but injuired my groin.. so after that had to go for this syf thingy or what? urgh.. cheer and cheer like no freaking tomorrow.. my ear drums hurt.. and hey, i haven had a girl tell me she loves me yet.. =P haha.. so yea.. they did well, got a sliver on their debut.. haha.. the tenion reminded me of my very first street soccer match.. haha.. super nervous.. well.. so went home to hav dinner.. argh.. the arsenal match sucked!! damn spurs!! lousy team scoring by underhand tatics.. BOO to the rightful losers!! nah, i'll take it back.. van persie missed 2 sitters.. urgh.. damn frustrated.. now waiting for liverpool vs chelsea match.. haha.. liverpool go go!! well.. i really miss her.. but she's busy with her DB.. argh.. just so like, i miss her so much.. but dont see her online.. all i hav are some msgs she replies and her blog.. i do my best to read it every night.. well.. if i dont show her enuff care or concern.. do i even deserve to be a friend of such a nice and good girl? nah.. maybe a night drunk could get me killed or forget her.. oh well.. i'll take my chances

useless

2006-04-09T05:54:00.000-07:00

hai... today down down down.. joey came to me for help.. and its like i cant do anything.. ha, maybe i am useless.. maybe thats why i wasnt wanted.. nvm.. now i just wanna try to help her.. i wonder if im being selfish by try to prevent her from loving.. but she seems so hurt and confuesed.. i cant just sit and watch her cry.. hais.. why must i still love her as my mei

malay speaking japanese..

2006-04-03T05:42:00.000-07:00

today was an alright day.. lol.. sarah again msg me earliest.. school was its usual fun self... azhar was his usual cool self, khy was all joking like.. jong is still the same.. eh.. gamma rays.. what the heck.. today after school.. piang eh.. was rain sia.. but decided to play street soccer to relieve some things on my mind.. haha then this chinese girl.. sweet little thing.. walked up to me and asked.. : are u a malay speaking japanese.. so i went yea sure i am, why not?.. so i disturbed her for awhile.. haha.. but surprisingly she stayed and watch me play.. haha then she told me i had quick feet and cute reactions.. no link at all.. wahs.. then wait for sarah today... so long sia she.. wonder if she will be online.. hey what the heck.. id wait till the sun burns out for her to be online.. haha.. well.. anyways... chao.. she's online!!

omg

2006-04-02T06:58:00.000-07:00

darn it... she's so depressed.. hais... cheer up evonne!! im really proud to know a girl like you.. u are the one who makes life worth living.. i just want u to know that.. eh about my life.. the usual

ARGH!!!

2006-03-29T05:02:00.000-08:00

today just sucked!! the match i was so nervous.. then ended up getting injuired... then i tot it couldnt get worse... how am i to face azhar and the guys... then returned home... read her blog.. or rather her tags.. i really dont know how to feel? if she has a guy, or doesnt.. i really like her.. then im like so bloody confused!!! nothing is going right for me... i already feel really depressed about the soccer match... then now this confusion comes in... its really tearing me apart.. so bloody depressed... do i continue to care for her? or just giv up? im no rich bastard but i worked very hard to save up to make her smile.. i traveled far just to see her smile.. im low on confidence, just cant concentrate.. today i feel really low.. my head was hung very low.. its like nobody givs a fuck about my problems.. im so alone.. i smile in school.. but deep down i feel really upset.. so many things on my mind.. i love u.. i REALLY LOVE YOU!! i wanna scearm out to you.. i wanna let the whole freaking world know.. i read your blog everyday.. i just wanna know how u are.. i dont really know how to feel.. im feeling really crushed.. i see others with their girls and wishing u were by my side.. im really lost... so so lost...

about joey

2006-03-28T05:55:00.000-08:00

life had its up and downs after u left.. i got to meet a very sweet girl.. and im very sure she knows who she is.. but the downs over-shadows the ups.. hais.. u were there when i was really heartboken about certain things.. u always cared and accompanied me.. even when u went to get lunch u still bothered to call me to ask how i am.. when i was sick.. u'd always ask me how i am the next day.. its hard to accept that i dont hav u anymore... u brought me to town.. chatted with me.. shared my problems.. i couldnt ask for more.. u were all i wanted as a mei.. u even remebered my birthday.. its really hard to accept that u arent here with me.. and whenever i see u.. i get really upset.. things arent the same... but i know u'll never come bac... well.. thats 2006.. but u'll always hav a special place in my heart... a place just for you.. and i promise that i will always be here to share ur probs and to shield u from anything... i still love u... i miss ur smile.. the words u use, the way u used to look at me and call me kor.. u may hav disowned me.. but in my heart.. u'll always live as a mei who cared deeply for me.. my little angel and bao bei.. u being gone.. has changed my life.. for the...

stupid day

2006-03-28T05:25:00.000-08:00

today.. wahs.. happy la.. really happy... morning already given shit.. then went to school.. foo yoo.. then went bac home alone then straight to the street soccer court.. so ya la.. as usual i sucked la.. so i went home after 2 matches... read comics then got sick of em.. so i went to the park for alittle walk.. then siew peng mei asked me out for lunch.. so ate together with a few frenz.. nahs... not really frenz la.. just people whom i once knew.. then after that returned to JWSS.. then did alot of nonsense la.. hahas.. and was really happy to see adeline!! she's a nice girl.. then came home to hav dinner... chatted with khy about tomolo's match.. more of no confidence than no mood la... if i cock up tomolo i may even lose all my confidence.. so like why take the risk.. quit while im ahead maybe.. hais.. i sure miss evonne.. the 2 weeks are like 2 years without her.. time crawls.. whenever i had problems.. she'd always solve it with me.. or sometimes.. for me.. she's a really special fren lars.. life really took a turn for the wrose when she was really busy.. i had nobody to talk or tell my problems to.. really feeling empty and depressed inside.. well.. at least from her blog which i read everyday, i know she's happy and alright.. just hope the next time my hp reads 1 text message recieved.. the message is from evonne... cant wait till that day... and about tomorrow's match.. hopefully i can kick the ball straight IF i hav the confidence to play.. this year is really starting to suck BIG time.. hell yea

...

2006-03-25T06:52:00.000-08:00

today ars.. totally sucked... morning woke up liao then felt depressed.. i miss joey alot... she was the light that guide me when i was lost... hais... im just not good enuff bahs... hopefully i lose my memories of her in NS.. love her alot when she was my mei..

todays match really disappointed.. thanks siew peng mei, michellle jie and sarah for cheering me up..now really no mood for anything.. hope she's alright.. i really miss her deep down...

hai

2006-03-24T06:50:00.000-08:00

today big test.. whoo felt so pumped up that i decided to eat breakfast before i went to school.. well.. in the end.. its gonna get a big F.. lol.. so i slept.. today i saw my han theng mei mei.. so happy to see her sia.. then got a big hug from her!! hahas... haix.. then got bac and i read her blog.. my heart totally shattered sia.. its so sad lor.. she seemed so lonely, so upset.. i told her that i wanna make her happy.. but what the hell am i doing? nothing.. i just wanna grab all the pain she has and crush it and let it fly away.. so upset lor.. i hav messaged to her.. but i dont know if she will reply.. i just sat at home and did nothing wondering how she is.. i wanna be the one who changes her life and shower her with happiness.. i hope she reads this... theres a match tomolo... im carrying an injury.. but hopefully i'll make it.. but if she's unhappy... im better off dead

2006-03-23T03:49:00.000-08:00

today was late for school again.. so i decided to buy breakfast and hav it on the go.. reached there half an hour late... but didnt miss anything.. so today was doing DRAWING again... sheesh.. then during break played soccer... hahas.. today match horror, so many blunders from my frenz.. azhar is still his usually quiet and dangerous self, wong ji, yea.. everybody was pretty much the same.. ole was blabbering about nonsense... well.. i scored afew.. but wasnt happy with myself.. then went home.. hahas.. showered and got straight down to studying for the test tomorrow.. i haven even studied for it.. hope everything turns out good.. then sarah today got reply agains.. hahas.. she cute in a way la.. nvm.. hais.. then her.. its like i dont even exsist lor.. i sms to her no reply des.. if only she isnt that busy.. how i wish.. hais.. its no use.. none of my wishes hav ever came true.. well.. bac to studying... its no joke this time

2006-03-22T07:07:00.000-08:00

hey, hahas.. today was an okay day... lol.. got a message from sarah.. she's a nice fella.. hmm then left for EMD after school.. hahas.. many pretty girls there lor.. then the concert was alright.. did enjoy myself with my friends.. then came bac home... now chatting with sarah.. lol.. thats about it... hope tomolo good day to play soccer... not really pumped..

2006-03-21T04:22:00.000-08:00

today wasnt a really good day.. morning already banged into the toliet door.. then went to school.. blah blah.. same old boring ending at 5 day.. haha... but i hav to saviour the moment.. azhar cheered me up in da morning with his nice and gentlemanly grin/smile.. and thats about it till afternoon.. riverting was taking place at 1pm.. and before that william and jong chuan were playing the the bus 31 and 27 game i think.. its all about the concession.. wonder how jong's chest are.. falt, or still round.. haha.. then out came galvin with his nice squeeky voice.. then came bac home... i didnt know i was so tired, haha slept all the way.. now bac at home.. having plain bread as usual as im saving for something... doubt i'll be seeing her online tonight again... she's just busy but i cant stand not chatting or talking to her... today no mood to lift any weights.. haha.. hope i can start in the aerospace against machining match... really wanna play...